When I was about ten, I desperately wanted a ukulele and was fortunate enough to receive one as a birthday gift. However, shortly thereafter my family realized their foolishness as I strummed and sang Mack the Knife at the top of my lungs in our orange-shag-carpeted, paneled basement. It was clearly obvious to everyone, including me, that I couldn’t sing. At all. More importantly, I shouldn’t sing. Ever.

It was shortly thereafter that my father marched me in to a music store to rent an instrument. A flute. Where no singing is possible while playing it.

It was shortly thereafter that we discovered that my fingers couldn’t reach the end of the flute and therefore I was not able to play many of the notes in the music I was trying to learn at weekly lessons.

It was shortly thereafter that a wooden fife was placed in my apparently short arms, and I somehow became a Minute Man in a Fife and Drum Corp, complete with three-corner hat, ruffled white shirt, and knickers, marching in parades all over Long Island, New York, and even in the famous St. Patrick’s Day Parade in New York City.

Fast forward many years. I desperately wanted a unicycle and bought one for myself as my 40th birthday gift, no longer needing to beg the family for what my heart desired. While doing research on how to ride the unicycle, I found a website dedicated to just two things: unicycles…and ukuleles. I kid you not. I tell you, I’m destined to play that thing. And now, with the wisdom of age, I don’t care what I sound like when I sing. But voice lessons might not be a bad idea.

Only in Vegas. Come one, come all to see the three-legged wonder! What’s a bigger wonder is why three different people got the same exact, very elaborate tattoo on their legs. At least I hope those are legs. What do you think?

This is why a Zinsco panel is never a good idea? Nooooooo, this is why it’s a good idea to hire experts! I don’t even know what a Zinsco panel is!